bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
