I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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