my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
