New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
