We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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