Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
