i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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