So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
wow bdsm is so cute
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