it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just threw up on my dentist
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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