nut hugger
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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