i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
