i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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