OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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