it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
