yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
