tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Michael Bay diarrhea
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When did angry sex become our thing?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
