I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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