Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it's like iHOP with fire
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
