He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
