Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
