I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
