Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
