apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
