I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I am puke
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
