And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
