did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
