Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
