It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
