bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
