this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
