i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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