Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
