I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
