In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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