I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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