I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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