I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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