I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
