i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
