yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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