Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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