we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
