Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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