i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sext me about skeletons
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
