I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
