and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
