Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
