It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
