i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
