found the other keg... it's in the tree
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
